|Rodney Dangerfield one-liners!
||[Nov. 8th, 2005|10:31 pm]
I was so poor growing up ... If I wasn't born a boy ... I'd have had nothing to play with.
One day as I came home early from work I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could ... but he pulled through."
Once when I was lost ... I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" "He said, "I don't know kid ... there are so many places they can hide."
I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, nobody's home. "I went over. Nobody was home.
Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.